I am curious to know, how many people get a divorce after the diagnosis of breast cancer. I know of several women, including myself, that found themselves single in the midst of all the turmoil! It is just insane!!
My personal story is this: I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer Sept 20, 2007. My husband, in the beginning, was so very supportive. Whatever I wanted, was in my hands, as soon as it was physically possible! My first chemo treatments, he went with me, never leaving my side. We have 4 children together, and never before had he EVER stepped up to the plate as he did in the beginning….
After about my second chemo treatment…he quit going with me, choosing to stay home and “help” his mom with the kids.
When I transferred my treatments to MD Anderson, he traveled there with me (on Valentines day no less!!!) but then left me sitting in the oncologists office, waiting to hear the results of my latest scans!! I was an absolute mess, but he told me his mom was having trouble with the kids and needed his help. He knew I would tell him to leave…my children are always my priority!
Come to find out later, he left me sitting there to go on a date for valentines day! He had internet dating profiles everywhere using my cancer for sympathy: “I have my kids because my ex wife has breast cancer”….I was incensed!!
I didn’t find this out though until about 2 weeks after my mastectomy. I came home to be with my kids after recovering at my parents house for a while. I had this sudden urge to figure out why I never saw his cell phone around the house! I found it..hidden in his truck…with several text messages from someone stating how much she loves him, and can’t wait until I leave from my “visit” with the kids so they can be together again. I was crushed beyond words.
I confronted him and of course he denied it. I had put up with so much from him for almost 14 years at the time, that I didn’t think I could take much more. I spent more time with my kids until it was time for me to head back to MD Anderson to begin 5 weeks of radiation therapy, twice daily. It was going to be a rough 5 weeks. Luckily I was able to live with a dear friend that was only a few miles from the hospital.
I took the next 5 weeks to think, to soul search, to talk to a therapist, and to make a plan. I was leaving. I did not beat cancer to live so miserably! To spend my life with someone who had it in them to cheat while I was fighting for my life for myself and for my family!! This was not the life I was fighting to live……
I finished treatment, went back to north Texas….took the kids to do a few things as a “family” one last time….packed our stuff and moved in with my parents for what ended up being about 9 months…until a rent house opened up that I could afford and was big enough for my family.
Looking back, I should have left a very long time ago. In my case, it just took cancer for me to open my eyes and realize it! I am curious to know how many other husbands/significant others couldn’t handle it and crumbled under the weight of such a devastating diagnosis and crisis in a family!!!
Until we blog again!